I had an anxiety attack in Paris

i had an anxiety attack sitting inside an airport in Paris and here’s my theory as to why—and by “theory”, I mean “obvious ass truth”…

so, i hadn’t been allowing myself enough time to grieve and move energy through my body in all the change and identity death I’ve experienced these last 6 weeks.

and so that grief came out at a beautifully inopportune time like when i was *supposed* to be exploring the French starbucks but instead was shaking on the dirty Parisian floor. i was exhausted from an uncomfortable flight and i had hit my limit.

and by hit my limit, i mean couldn’t suppress my fear of wtf is going to happen to me if i keep taking risks, my heart is broken because i feel like i can’t find my roots or hold onto what keeps me anchored, and there’s this tug of war inside between hold on to who i think i am vs open up to who i’m revealing i am and so on and on. just too much fucking pressure and too much thinking, y’know. a few hours later, after crying and finding a vending machine with peanut m&ms and laughing with my man on the phone – i felt like myself again.

just like that, regulated. hello, liberation lemonade.

so “moment du jour” is an experiment that allows my blog to evolve into a more sustainable creative outlet for me during this very uncertain time in my life.

i don’t hoard my divine downloads and extra extra ordinary musings and you get what might be a word for you because I am a messenger after all. thanks, gemini ascendant.

i practice disarming my perfection around my writing and showing up and we get to connect.

i trust that i have everything i need right here and now to take the very next step in what is calling me from my soul to be expressed and you have the opportunity to share in that with me.

no rules, no expectations, and we’ll see how the experiment goes. i’m making this shit up as i go, so…

so that’s today’s moment du jour.

we’ll see it this feels good for sharing my two weeks in morocco with you because the blog is bare and not because i didn’t have a shit ton to share. more on that later. anyway, I have a great and hopeful feeling about this.

xx, Andra